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New Product- PetriCad 1.0 (The Final Release)

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I read in "Re:VectorScript objects and IFC" that Petri called VW -

VectorToyWorks. I nearly had a coronary. Horrified!

Fancy calling VW- "VectorToyWorks" when he is self-proclaimed ArchDemiGod of all VW knowledge, Lord of Plug-In, the Extremely Reverend Cardinal of Vectorscript and Deity of the Troubleshoot. Shame, Shame, Shame, Petri. What a tragic waste.

This is high treason, blasphemy and a wicked heresy, and all worshipers of VectorWorks should unite against this apostasy. How could a man who has contributed so much now turn "and bite the hand..."?

NNA is the mothership, and now this vicious attempt at matricide on the grand dame!! Say it isn't true Petri, how could you turn on your mom?

Looking on the bright side, I prophecy that in the coming months sectarianism will flourish and we will see the birth of 'PetriCad 1.0 (The Final Release)', a perfect

cad program that will never need updating or improvement.

The only down side is the provided discussion forum will actually only have one contributor, although all posts will be positive, and the moderator will be completely happy with all his own comments.

Anyway, time to hitch the horses, untie the hounds, feed the swine, lance the sheep's boils, polish the cattle and away, gentlemen.(exit stage left with dramatic swinging of cape over shoulder).

(or.at.least.go.and.visit.Petri's.sister.somewhere.in.the.snow. who.knows.oh.how.I.miss.these.comments.of.petri's)

P.S. Petri, am I still on your ignore list? =(

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I read in "Re:VectorScript objects and IFC" that Petri called VW -


You read someone's quote. The actual post where he said that was the opening of a thread called Stalinist NNA, and the full post is much funnier than the excerpt you read.

But that was the old Petri. The new Petri shows a very pleasant and courteous side, as in this post, where he says "I sincerely apologize for the previous insulting post."

The insults are milder, too. He says "muddled, totally stupid & useless," rather than "KGB-agents," "Tshekists," and "Gestapo."

And it sounds like he's giving up the Mr. Spock fantasy:

For once, I'm not taking a stance or try to demonstrate superior logical, pointy-eared, conceptual thinking. If the Vulcan logic does not work - well, then there's something wrong.

I think this new, kinder, gentler Petri should be encouraged. We shouldn't make fun of him.

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Cross-post from VectorScript Forum:


I have self-appointed myself to document your significant contributions to this board. Please keep it up.



The Petri Top 10 (with apologies to those he has offended):


"It is interesting to note that the "VP Integrated Products" cannot understand or acknowledge any other uses for VW than (McMansion) "architecture"."

"Well, in that case you are a complete idiot, because you don't understand what I wrote above."

"VW will never become useful outside the U.S. of A: the Powers That Be are ignorant and myopic."

"Look - I don't really care whether you call it RFP, RCP or YMCA. Just make yourself understandable. "

"Your wish is my command. Ignore this user... Poof! You're gone!"

"You refer to feet and inches, so you must live in the U. S. of A, the proud herald of obsolete dimensions. Fine, good, excellent! That explains at least the language. "

"Dear me! Is this some sort of a religious board? I had no idea... Logging out for good. "

"Of course it is a blessing, too: as far as we don't actually know what the other party is talking about, we can be just as bitchy and condescending [as] we like."

"The overwhelming majority in either respect could not care less for your political statement. Thank you for your attention and please carry on inspecting your navel-lint."

"Back to the drawing board, people!"

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Great list, VG, including some that I'd never seen before. Here are a few more:

What a load of crap (if you'll excuse my draftingboardside manners.)

How wonderful! Where did you get your training at - the Kremlin?

Yes it is. At least in Civilized Countries, perhaps not in the U.S. of A.

Congratulations. You've just been included in my "ignore this user"-list in record time.

Oh, good! Now I can get rid of all the Aussie ignoramuses and pompous Californian Masters of Architecture

More evidence on your profound ignorance.

I could not care less for irrelevant comments coming from some technological backwater like the Netherlands if it weren't necessary to rectify the disinformation you spread.

...you have been on my ignore-list since I established it. I have no interest in reading your stupid comments - you are not even funny in your ignorance...

They're not really very Spock-like, are they? In fact, they sound exactly like the character Ignatius J Reilly, in the novel A Confederacy of Dunces.

But Ignatius had a lot of delusions about himself. Maybe he thought that he was like Mr. Spock.

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Man, I haven't read the one about the Netherlands being a 'technological backwater'... that's pretty rich considering Petri's COO. I thought it was the Netherlanders who took some wheelbarrows to Germany and made their own country with the dirt they brought back.

Since then haven't they sort of lead technology in not a few areas?

Didn't they make those big fans that are all over their country?

Didn't they make orange carrots?

So, if Amsterdam is in her own technological middle ages, I can suddenly understand why Petri thinks the USA, Russia, Australia, South Africa and the rest of the world is so backward.

I guess no one can hold a candle to Finland because of the soon to be released 'PetriCad 1.0'. 'Fair enough, people, back to work.'

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The "backwater" part of that remark was a stroke of genius -- slipping in a reference to the international reputation of Dutch seawater control engineering, into what would otherwise be just a crude ethnic slur.

Another contributor once remarked on Old-Petri's unique ability "to insult individuals, companies, and whole countries in a single post."

That Dutch homage was part of the VS/IFC thread you referred to, which was Petri-Spock in his prime. Since he's gone now, replaced by Nice-Petri, it might be a good idea to include a few other excerpts from it in this tribute:

Well, thank you very much for your irrelevant contribution.

My apologies for being so many decades ahead of London UK, Napier NZ, the Netherlands and an unknown country.

The Dutch Genius .... didn't have the faintest idea of the subject but nevertheless decided to let us all know how ignorant he is.

And then the other ignoramuses joined in to tell that they know even less...

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Say what you will, I find that Petri is both entertaining and informative. That he manages to insult almost everyone in the process - well, it's the other side of the coin.

I would welcome, though, a return to substance on his part. When he's correct in his analysis, the humor is devastatingly funny. On the other hand, hurling an insult in the process of missing the mark factually or intellectually falls a bit flat on a tech support board.

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I've always thought the insults were the entertaining part. Can you cite some examples of his humor that don't involve schoolyard-style personal attacks? Those would fit in well with the theme of this thread. If they're devastatingly funny, they really shouldn't be left out.

And maybe we should have some examples of him being informative, to show his "superior logical, pointy-eared, conceptual-thinking Vulcan" side.

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Well, yes, 'backwater' may not have been a conscious choice, but it's a nice touch anyway. And calling the Netherlands "some technological backwater" can't be anything but a joke, regardless of what Petri thinks it is. There are places you could say that about and it would be an insult, but in this case it's like saying, "Your dog is a monkey."

That 'navel-lint' line is pure Ignatius J Reilly. Anyone who appreciates Petri's style of humor should take a look at the novel I mentioned earlier, A Confederacy of Dunces. Here are some excerpts from it, showing that same combination of archaic formal language with absurd self-indulgence and the social skills of a wet baby:

"Is it the part of the police department to harass me when this city is a flagrant vice capital of the civilized world?" Ignatius bellowed over the crowd in front of the store. "This city is famous for its gamblers, prostitutes, exhibitionists, anti-Christs, alcoholics, sodomites, drug addicts, fetishists, onanists, pornographers, frauds, jades, litterbugs, and lesbians, all of whom are only too well protected by graft. If you have a moment, I shall endeavor to discuss the crime problem with you, but don't make the mistake of bothering me."

"Will you kindly tend the bar properly?" Ignatius asked furiously. "It is your duty to silently serve when we call upon you. If we had wished to include you in our conversation, we would have indicated it by now."

Mr. I. Abelman, Mongoloid, Esq.:

We have received via post your absurd comments about our trousers, the comments revealing, as they did, your complete lack of contact with reality.


We do not wish to be bothered in the future by such tedious complaints. Please confine your correspondence to orders only.

"Why is it so important to you that I leave this tub? Mother, I really don't understand you at all. Isn't there something that, as a housekeeper, you feel compelled to do at the moment? I noticed this morning that the lint in the hallway is forming into spheres almost as large as baseballs. Clean the house. Telephone for the correct time. Do something. Lie down and take a nap. You're looking rather peaked these days."

Beloved Myrna:

I have received your offensive communication. Do you seriously think that I am interested in your tawdry encounters with such sub-humans as folk-singers? In every letter of yours I seem to find some reference to the sleaziness of your personal life. Please confine yourself to discussing issues and such; thereby you will at least avoid obscenity and offense.

"We got a complaint about you from the Board of Health, Reilly."

"Oh, is that all? From the exression on your face I thought that you were having some sort of epileptic seizure," Ignatius said to Mr. Clyde through his mouthful of hot dog and bun, bumping his wagon into the garage. "I am afraid to guess what the complaint could be or how it could have originated. My intimate habits are above reproach. Carrying no social diseases, I don't see what I could possibly transmit to your hot dogs that they do not already have."

The perverted (and I suspect quite dangerous) mind of Clyde has devised still another means of belittling my rather invincible being. At first I thought that I might have found a surrogate father in the czar of sausage, the mogul of meat. But his resentment and jealousy of me are increasing daily; no doubt they will ultimately overwhelm him and thereby destroy his mind. The grandeur of my physique, the complexity of my worldview, the decency and taste implicit in my carriage, the grace with which I function in the mire of today's world -- all of these at once confuse and astound Clyde.
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a new literary discipline is borne: Petriana: representative Petri online, a collaborative effort that aims to provide criticism of Petri's interventions, focused in the contest of modern literature.

Oh, Petri....



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maybe we could set up a

petri-abuse survivors club,

or petri-ignorees society.

i'm rather proud to have been

ignored + found unfunny at least

twice, as well as having been

kindly helped, but that might

have been an accident.

you'd think that once you're

"ignored", he would at least

pretend he was ignoring you

+ stop commenting further, but

apparently not...

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I have self-appointed myself to document your significant contributions to this board. Please keep it up.

Good on ya, mate! Quoting even the very worst of my posts surely raises your rating from the previous "non-sentient life form" to "able to read, but non-intelligent". Classification still remains as "parasite: unable to sustain itself without a host".

If you'd rock, I'd additionally classify you as Matopin Rock Fungus, but you don't, so I won't.

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If you'd rock, I'd additionally classify you as Matopin Rock Fungus, but you don't, so I won't.

Petri, go back to watching TV and let us tease you in your absence.

Finnish TV ? Thursday Night


The Kai Bitternen Show

FTV 8:00 ? 9:00

Join Kai and his guests Nussi Juttinen and Ren Flittonen as they discuss the finer points of frying fish and finding a wife under 150 KG. Later in the show, Kai thrills the audience with his segment on thermometer servicing.

Lapp Dogg

FTV 9:00 ? 9:30

A warm-hearted look at Finland?s many breeds of canine friends. Tonight?s episode focuses on the Finnish Hound, whose legendary intelligence measures just below a Schnauzer and just above an Architect.

The Orifice

FTV 9:30 ? 10:00

This take-off on the hit British and American sit-coms (The Office) takes place in a struggling architectural practice. In tonight?s episode, Jussi?s long-lost brother returns and creates a stir when he tries to flirt with Helga, the office secretary and woman of questionable character.

Finland?s Great Contributions to World History (Documentary)

FTV 10:00 ? 11:00

[cancelled at air time due to lack of content]

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Finland is a beautiful country which has made many fine contributions to world culture, more than its share based on size and population, I believe. Countering someone's argument by impugning the country he lives in is both childish and ineffectual. Not only that, it's widely known as Petri's trademark -- so much so that to do it here would smack of plagiarism. Anyone who wants to engage in low-brow brawling on this forum should respect the claim that Petri has clearly staked out, and should find some other way of being petty and obnoxious.

Study up, people! There's going to be a test tomorrow. Multiple choice, based on the material we've covered so far. Make sure you know your basic comedic character types. This WILL count toward your final grade.

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