Thank you guys, good to know I wasn't missing an obvious setting. All good ideas. Absolutely agree that this is not well thought of in VW...
I am modelling a concrete frame building with loads of downstand beams, walls in hollow brickwork then wet plastered. Very typical construction method in Greece. The extra work I have to do to achieve what I want is not very encouraging. For example, structural members such as beams and columns can have a finish layer added to them (plaster) but then when they interact with walls they are completely 'dumb', no auto connecting or anything. I have to add the plaster onto the beam manually, using a wall command. Anyway, this one is probably better suited to a new thread...